ORIGINS
A friend, who I consider to be one of my Earthly spirit guides, passionately encouraged me to start writing. No structure, no pressure; just me, with a pen, paper and an open mind. So with nothing to lose, except for a little time and skepticism, I grabbed a pen from the bottom of my purse, and the spiral-bound (pug-covered) notebook from my laptop bag. I sat in my cousin’s front yard and watched the August sun, set over the vineyard. Then I took a deep breath, and began writing, which left me lost, without time or space to bind me. When you write from your soul, you are birthing your truth. What is your truth? |
1
The Delusion of Perfection
This is life, in its RAW form, the way it’s supposed to be; divine chaos. No perfectly planned writing flow, other than the perfection that IS imperfection.
Perfection is entrapment that will keep you enslaved until you realize it does not exist; at least in logical terms, it cannot exist, BECAUSE it cannot be defined, BECAUSE it is subjective. Everyone’s idea of perfect is different and ever-changing. Trying to be perfect is a futile attempt at happiness because it damages your integrity as you try to be “perfect” in each person’s subjective eyes.
The further you drift from your essential self (soul) due to tarnishing your integrity, the more entrapped and depressed you will become.
Break free from the shackles of the delusion of perfection. Follow your heart, listen to your soul and be FREE!!
Perfection is entrapment that will keep you enslaved until you realize it does not exist; at least in logical terms, it cannot exist, BECAUSE it cannot be defined, BECAUSE it is subjective. Everyone’s idea of perfect is different and ever-changing. Trying to be perfect is a futile attempt at happiness because it damages your integrity as you try to be “perfect” in each person’s subjective eyes.
The further you drift from your essential self (soul) due to tarnishing your integrity, the more entrapped and depressed you will become.
Break free from the shackles of the delusion of perfection. Follow your heart, listen to your soul and be FREE!!
2
Life is Too Short to be Negative
”Kendi, will you drive me to my radiation appointment, tomorrow?” asked Nana in her ever-hoarse, but now downright feeble and thrashed voice. This voice which now defines her fate in this lifetime.
I do not blame or judge the millions of cigarettes she’s puffed in the past 65+ years that are contributing to her cancerous and final “six months to one year” left on this Earth. Life is too precious to pay much time to those negative emotions like blame and judgment.
Instead, I am overwhelmed with joy that she is inviting me to share in this very vulnerable experience with her. Even pain is a blessed reminder that our souls are still learning and growing, within this short life.
Divine chaos. I love you, Nana! God loves us all.
I do not blame or judge the millions of cigarettes she’s puffed in the past 65+ years that are contributing to her cancerous and final “six months to one year” left on this Earth. Life is too precious to pay much time to those negative emotions like blame and judgment.
Instead, I am overwhelmed with joy that she is inviting me to share in this very vulnerable experience with her. Even pain is a blessed reminder that our souls are still learning and growing, within this short life.
Divine chaos. I love you, Nana! God loves us all.
“The religion of the future will be cosmic religion. It will transcend personal God and avoid dogma and theology.”
-Albert Einstein
3
Fairest of Them All
Nana’s hair brush is loaded with hair after just one pass-through. There is a wig ominously sitting atop her washing machine. The woman whose personality was always as big as her thick head of hair, is now watching it fall out, clump, by clump. I can only imagine how it must feel to fear brushing your hair.
Like she said when she showed me the brush: “Well, we come in bald, and we go out bald.” This may be true for many, but it seems even more difficult for women of her generation, whose value in society was so closely linked to their physical beauty. This reality resulted in a relatively vain and objectified generation of women.
Although I see some benefits to old-school women's roles and mentality, I cannot help but feel sorrow for how difficult the aging process is for them. There is so much self-esteem that is lost with every face wrinkle added, or clump of hair gone. This is the trouble with having so much value attributed to such fickle, short-lived and subjective traits. All the more reason we should be raising our children with a more holistic interpretation of beauty.
A healthy physical body SHOULD be valued, but only as a sound vessel that houses the boundless potential of our minds, and the unique beauty of our souls. Because, no matter how much hair is lost on Nana’s head tomorrow, she will ALWAYS be the woman who knows how to make the best french toast, and would do ANYTHING for the well-being of her family.
Like she said when she showed me the brush: “Well, we come in bald, and we go out bald.” This may be true for many, but it seems even more difficult for women of her generation, whose value in society was so closely linked to their physical beauty. This reality resulted in a relatively vain and objectified generation of women.
Although I see some benefits to old-school women's roles and mentality, I cannot help but feel sorrow for how difficult the aging process is for them. There is so much self-esteem that is lost with every face wrinkle added, or clump of hair gone. This is the trouble with having so much value attributed to such fickle, short-lived and subjective traits. All the more reason we should be raising our children with a more holistic interpretation of beauty.
A healthy physical body SHOULD be valued, but only as a sound vessel that houses the boundless potential of our minds, and the unique beauty of our souls. Because, no matter how much hair is lost on Nana’s head tomorrow, she will ALWAYS be the woman who knows how to make the best french toast, and would do ANYTHING for the well-being of her family.
4
Soul Food
Nothing feeds my body and soul like Papa’s Thompson Seedless grapes. Papa (the incredible patriarch) has been farming these clusters of green for over 80 years, in the same town, on the same piece of land. Every time I eat one of these grapes, I’m eating more than just a little morsel of fruit, I’m eating what may be some of the last crops ever farmed by a dying breed of superior man.
A MAN who wakes-up with the sun every morning, even at 85 years old, to labor all day doing work that most Americans wouldn’t last an hour at. He is a MAN that loves his wife’s soul so much, that even if she lost all her hair and turned purple, he’d still make sure she knows how beautiful she is. He is a man who likes his red wine best on ice, and believes the world would be a much better place if everyone just lived by the Ten Commandments.
His hair has some silver, but his heart is solid gold. Those Thompson seedless aren’t just your average grapes. They are the final masterpieces created by Papa, the incredible patriarch.
You are what you eat.
A MAN who wakes-up with the sun every morning, even at 85 years old, to labor all day doing work that most Americans wouldn’t last an hour at. He is a MAN that loves his wife’s soul so much, that even if she lost all her hair and turned purple, he’d still make sure she knows how beautiful she is. He is a man who likes his red wine best on ice, and believes the world would be a much better place if everyone just lived by the Ten Commandments.
His hair has some silver, but his heart is solid gold. Those Thompson seedless aren’t just your average grapes. They are the final masterpieces created by Papa, the incredible patriarch.
You are what you eat.
5
A Prayer Heard Just In Time
A prayer heard just in time is a breed of prayer truly divine. It’s last minute timing makes you appreciate the deliverance so much more.
This is true of the constant praying my Nana did on my behalf:
“Please help Kendi find God.” Simple, yet profound, and spoken every night for years on end. Until finally, Nana’s prayer was answered. Within the past year, I have not only learned to walk, but flat-out sprint with God and our divine universe. A fringe benefit of this awakening involves a newfound optimism associated with crossing over/"death".
The irony of it all, is that my Nana (per the time frame provided by her oncologist) is not far off from the inescapable reality of death. Thus, my newfound morbid optimism is now helping me to provide added reassurance, light and love to my Earthly angel (Nana), who spent all these years praying for my awakening. Any extra divine comfort I am able to help her find is undoubtedly payback for all the nights she kept me in her prayers, until God finally responded.
God answers the calls, (S)He sometimes lets it ring a while longer so you appreciate it more when (S)He picks up.
Thank you Nana. Thank you God.
This is true of the constant praying my Nana did on my behalf:
“Please help Kendi find God.” Simple, yet profound, and spoken every night for years on end. Until finally, Nana’s prayer was answered. Within the past year, I have not only learned to walk, but flat-out sprint with God and our divine universe. A fringe benefit of this awakening involves a newfound optimism associated with crossing over/"death".
The irony of it all, is that my Nana (per the time frame provided by her oncologist) is not far off from the inescapable reality of death. Thus, my newfound morbid optimism is now helping me to provide added reassurance, light and love to my Earthly angel (Nana), who spent all these years praying for my awakening. Any extra divine comfort I am able to help her find is undoubtedly payback for all the nights she kept me in her prayers, until God finally responded.
God answers the calls, (S)He sometimes lets it ring a while longer so you appreciate it more when (S)He picks up.
Thank you Nana. Thank you God.
Equation for God = Universe(Love+Knowledge)
6
Alter-Ego: Super Soul
There are some serious benefits in allowing your alter-ego to run wild. Alter-egos are what takes a hero from the “everyday” variety to the “super” variety. Alter-egos help you balance all of that calm, socially acceptable, yin energy, with some fiery, authentic, yang energy. This ego within puts you in touch with your essential self, also known as your raw, free-spirited, soul.
Part of the beauty behind your alter-ego, is that it is what makes you unique, as no two raw souls are the same. For instance, your alter-ego may prefer doing cartwheels down a hillside with your kids, or rescuing cats stuck in trees, while mine prefers dancing all night in high-heels.
Your free spirit thrives when you can express yourself in quirky ways. If you are not harming anyone else in the process, then let your freak flag FLY! Try to not worry about the way others may judge you, as it is easy to be judgemental from the sidelines; there is a strong, positive correlation between being judgemental and insecure. The more secure you are with your alter-ego/essential self/free spirit, the more you will attract people in your life who genuinely appreciate and love you, the way God loves you. Unconditionally.
Some of the most eminent people throughout history are the ones to dared to break free from the monotonous shackles of tradition and live as a free spirit, outside the box.
Part of the beauty behind your alter-ego, is that it is what makes you unique, as no two raw souls are the same. For instance, your alter-ego may prefer doing cartwheels down a hillside with your kids, or rescuing cats stuck in trees, while mine prefers dancing all night in high-heels.
Your free spirit thrives when you can express yourself in quirky ways. If you are not harming anyone else in the process, then let your freak flag FLY! Try to not worry about the way others may judge you, as it is easy to be judgemental from the sidelines; there is a strong, positive correlation between being judgemental and insecure. The more secure you are with your alter-ego/essential self/free spirit, the more you will attract people in your life who genuinely appreciate and love you, the way God loves you. Unconditionally.
Some of the most eminent people throughout history are the ones to dared to break free from the monotonous shackles of tradition and live as a free spirit, outside the box.
7
Create!
You are created in the image and likeness of God. Ironically, part of your infinite Godly likeness IS your ability to create. Thus comes the realization of how uplifting it is for your soul to BE creative. But, creativity is a double-edged sword. Because, one of the most significant blocks in developing your own creativity is the fact that our society (which is nothing more than the popular aggregate of other peoples’ creativity) tries to pressure you into living within its already established image and likeness, instead of encouraging you to create your own.
Instead of living your life on behalf of others’ insecurities (external societal pressures to perpetuate everyone elses’ mission, vision and values), I encourage you to tap into an aspect of your infinite Godly likeness by creating YOUR OWN mission, vision and values. When you live with integrity, within the unique image and likeness you’ve created, fulfillment and abundance will surely be yours.
Creativity is also the path towards immortality; because a strong legacy can make your Earthly presence timeless.
Instead of living your life on behalf of others’ insecurities (external societal pressures to perpetuate everyone elses’ mission, vision and values), I encourage you to tap into an aspect of your infinite Godly likeness by creating YOUR OWN mission, vision and values. When you live with integrity, within the unique image and likeness you’ve created, fulfillment and abundance will surely be yours.
Creativity is also the path towards immortality; because a strong legacy can make your Earthly presence timeless.
8
How to Claim Your Soul’s Purpose
Listening to your heart; reconnecting to your essential self (soul); living your own mission, vision and values. For many of you, these aspirations are easily understood in a theoretical sense, but not as easily translated into your practical lives. How do you ACTUALLY begin to discover your essential self?
Personally, that journey began with a book titled: “Finding Your Own North Star, Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live” by Martha Beck. If you choose to pursue the full “North Star” experience, then be prepared to laugh, cry and come out at the end, as a completely different person. For right now, I’ll just attempt to translate some of the bare essentials which will hopefully kick-start you on the path to living your soul’s mission, vision and values:
Now GO! Waste no more time!! Grab a pen, paper and your memory bank and begin identifying and DEVELOPING upon all these wonderful gifts of life.
Learn it. Live it. LOVE it!
Personally, that journey began with a book titled: “Finding Your Own North Star, Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live” by Martha Beck. If you choose to pursue the full “North Star” experience, then be prepared to laugh, cry and come out at the end, as a completely different person. For right now, I’ll just attempt to translate some of the bare essentials which will hopefully kick-start you on the path to living your soul’s mission, vision and values:
- Super energy: Identify and develop upon people, places and activities that make you feel naturally and positively ENERGIZED.
- Super memory: Identify and develop upon the sources of your best abilities to MEMORIZE information.
- Super health: Identify and develop upon people, places and activities that make you feel particularly HEALTHY and RESILIENT
- Super time lapse: Identify and develop upon situations that make TIME FLY by unusually quickly.
- 5uper friends: Identify and develop upon people who best UNDERSTAND and ENCOURAGE the true you.
- Super attractions: Identify and develop upon the people, places and activities that you CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT once you’ve discovered them.
- Super mood: Identify and develop upon the people, places and activities that usually put you in the best MOOD.
Now GO! Waste no more time!! Grab a pen, paper and your memory bank and begin identifying and DEVELOPING upon all these wonderful gifts of life.
Learn it. Live it. LOVE it!
9
War Karma
Below is a sincere perspective on service members from a man who knows the lifestyle well. Mr. Warron French was a member of the Soldiers Angels organization and has come to know many injured soldiers at Walter Reed Hospital on the east coast. He is a former military dependent and has been around service members all of his life. His grandfather was even a guard during the Nuremburg Trials.
Here is what Warron has keenly observed of the life of an American soldier:
”They are all people, like you and me, and they offer more than they have.
They want freedom, and many of them fight for our freedoms, as naive as that may be.
Some of them were told they were loosers in school; others were criminals before joining, many of them wanted to be on the winning team of something (anything) and so they join the military.
Quite a few of them join so that they can go to college and not go deeper into debt, so they figure — I will serve so many years, get out and hopefully not have to kill, get killed or even injured.
I will come back with some real world experience and then get a degree when I am more mature and can handle the rigor of academics.
Unlike you and I, many of them don’t have parents with money, or enough ambition and intelligence to drive us down the correct path to success.
So, they join, and again many of them naively to serving their country.
They don’t think they are all that smart so they get into the infantry or cavalry, directly into war – remember, hoping to never have to kill, get killed, or be maimed.
They come back war torn, with all the awful things they had to see. Another injured battle buddy, or a dead opposition fighter (who might only be doing the same for their “land”) or the results of one of their battle buddies doing something awful to someone else – like another female service member.
They see so much awful in the world.
They see the worst of evils, because evil is human. Humans are also great and blessed too, but as you are aware there can be no Yang, without the Yin.
The men and women don’t feel good when they were on the battlefields.
Many of them think, “Why am I in this stinking dessert in Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Afghanistan; when I could be in AZ, NM or wherever else.”
Many of the people that go to war and come back, were really only “in theater” they weren’t directly in the war. They were back at some base camp, not to be confused with a small compound.
For those who were on the front lines, war is hell.
And for others that never new peace, war is home.
The camaraderie is what makes many of them heroes; because they commit countless acts of selflessness both on and off the battlefield.
Someone can’t pay their bills back home, that reduces their focus on the mission on the battlefield.
A battle buddy steps in and offers cash and the problem goes away for a little while.
Many of them have wives, husbands, girlfriends or boyfriends back home and discover they are being cheated on. Can you imagine?
You are fighting for your girlfriends rights as a human and she is cheating on you?
The list goes on and on.
The stress when they come home changes, and they are numbed by their experiences.
Experiences make all of us who we are.
Some of us are nurtured, others are denatured.
As for consideration of the service members who might have regretted their service… yes, certainly many of them regretted it.”
After reading this account, I cannot help but have the quintessential image of good old Uncle Sam in my head. He’s always there to “catch you” when others in the community have failed to do so (i.e. family, career, school, church, etc.); providing a path to an otherwise wayward soul that does not yet know that every action has consequences (Karma) associated with it, some good some bad. It is up to you do decide your own fate. Regardless of the endless temptations, you create your own paradise (or Hell) with every action you take using your God-given free will. The more you understand about the world around you, the better able you are to anticipate the fruits of your actions.
Sure, it’s easy to be lured-in by the initial security and structure and glory that service can offer. But eventually, your Karma catches up to you, often when it is too late to find an unlocked exit door. You are on the front lines now. It is time to survive now. Yet between every nanosecond of technical thought that is necessary for you to have a chance of survival, there is another nanosecond of emotional thought making deep impressions in your consciousness.
Why is this war REALLY being fought? If I knew the real reasons, would I believe in it enough to want to still be here, having just maimed fellow humans and brought sorrow to their families? Who am I to decide if a life is worth taking? That could be my son one day? Will it be my son one day?
All of these impressions are what haunts American soldiers for years to come as many of them navigate a much darker battlefield of PTSD, making it difficult to reconnect to a peaceful or compassionate human experience.
But as with any difficulty in life, we can spend all our energy wallowing in the carnage and battle scars, or we can divert some of that energy towards giving rise to positive change. Take what is learned from the death and the scars and use that passionate information to form more intelligent and empathetical ways to avoid and resolve conflict.
Powerful and positive change is achieved through knowledge, understanding and collaboration; not through ignorant belligerence.
Here is what Warron has keenly observed of the life of an American soldier:
”They are all people, like you and me, and they offer more than they have.
They want freedom, and many of them fight for our freedoms, as naive as that may be.
Some of them were told they were loosers in school; others were criminals before joining, many of them wanted to be on the winning team of something (anything) and so they join the military.
Quite a few of them join so that they can go to college and not go deeper into debt, so they figure — I will serve so many years, get out and hopefully not have to kill, get killed or even injured.
I will come back with some real world experience and then get a degree when I am more mature and can handle the rigor of academics.
Unlike you and I, many of them don’t have parents with money, or enough ambition and intelligence to drive us down the correct path to success.
So, they join, and again many of them naively to serving their country.
They don’t think they are all that smart so they get into the infantry or cavalry, directly into war – remember, hoping to never have to kill, get killed, or be maimed.
They come back war torn, with all the awful things they had to see. Another injured battle buddy, or a dead opposition fighter (who might only be doing the same for their “land”) or the results of one of their battle buddies doing something awful to someone else – like another female service member.
They see so much awful in the world.
They see the worst of evils, because evil is human. Humans are also great and blessed too, but as you are aware there can be no Yang, without the Yin.
The men and women don’t feel good when they were on the battlefields.
Many of them think, “Why am I in this stinking dessert in Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Afghanistan; when I could be in AZ, NM or wherever else.”
Many of the people that go to war and come back, were really only “in theater” they weren’t directly in the war. They were back at some base camp, not to be confused with a small compound.
For those who were on the front lines, war is hell.
And for others that never new peace, war is home.
The camaraderie is what makes many of them heroes; because they commit countless acts of selflessness both on and off the battlefield.
Someone can’t pay their bills back home, that reduces their focus on the mission on the battlefield.
A battle buddy steps in and offers cash and the problem goes away for a little while.
Many of them have wives, husbands, girlfriends or boyfriends back home and discover they are being cheated on. Can you imagine?
You are fighting for your girlfriends rights as a human and she is cheating on you?
The list goes on and on.
The stress when they come home changes, and they are numbed by their experiences.
Experiences make all of us who we are.
Some of us are nurtured, others are denatured.
As for consideration of the service members who might have regretted their service… yes, certainly many of them regretted it.”
After reading this account, I cannot help but have the quintessential image of good old Uncle Sam in my head. He’s always there to “catch you” when others in the community have failed to do so (i.e. family, career, school, church, etc.); providing a path to an otherwise wayward soul that does not yet know that every action has consequences (Karma) associated with it, some good some bad. It is up to you do decide your own fate. Regardless of the endless temptations, you create your own paradise (or Hell) with every action you take using your God-given free will. The more you understand about the world around you, the better able you are to anticipate the fruits of your actions.
Sure, it’s easy to be lured-in by the initial security and structure and glory that service can offer. But eventually, your Karma catches up to you, often when it is too late to find an unlocked exit door. You are on the front lines now. It is time to survive now. Yet between every nanosecond of technical thought that is necessary for you to have a chance of survival, there is another nanosecond of emotional thought making deep impressions in your consciousness.
Why is this war REALLY being fought? If I knew the real reasons, would I believe in it enough to want to still be here, having just maimed fellow humans and brought sorrow to their families? Who am I to decide if a life is worth taking? That could be my son one day? Will it be my son one day?
All of these impressions are what haunts American soldiers for years to come as many of them navigate a much darker battlefield of PTSD, making it difficult to reconnect to a peaceful or compassionate human experience.
But as with any difficulty in life, we can spend all our energy wallowing in the carnage and battle scars, or we can divert some of that energy towards giving rise to positive change. Take what is learned from the death and the scars and use that passionate information to form more intelligent and empathetical ways to avoid and resolve conflict.
Powerful and positive change is achieved through knowledge, understanding and collaboration; not through ignorant belligerence.
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
–Gandhi
10
Freedom Through Forgiveness
Forgiveness. Bitter, yet necessary to move forward from some of the nastiest, most fowl manifestations that find their way into your life. Even if you surround yourself in forts of denial, and walk around carrying a shield of ignorance, you can never truly be free of your shadows until you identify and forgive them.
These shadows are masters of disguise. They may inherently represent negative experiences you’ve had, or people in your life (including you) that have done you WRONG! However, their true representations, if not addressed, will craftily remanifest as other plagues in your life. This is why it is so important to lean into every emotion that results from every intense situation; don’t just sweep it under the rug and deny its reality.
Then, after you have emotionally surrendered to the happening, it is time to FORGIVE!
And, ultimately, forgive YOUR SELF! Because, no one is perfect. And, the sooner you can forgive your self, the sooner you can embrace the lessons life dealt you, and use the new-found freedom and enlightenment to better the lives of others and be one step closer to living consistently free; without judgement, and full of genuine love and understanding of ALL Gods’ creation; even those shadows that appear as the sun sets on your own reflection.
These shadows are masters of disguise. They may inherently represent negative experiences you’ve had, or people in your life (including you) that have done you WRONG! However, their true representations, if not addressed, will craftily remanifest as other plagues in your life. This is why it is so important to lean into every emotion that results from every intense situation; don’t just sweep it under the rug and deny its reality.
Then, after you have emotionally surrendered to the happening, it is time to FORGIVE!
- Forgive that person whose negligence resulted in your harm; as we all have moments of laziness.
- Forgive that person who used you for their own benefit; for we all have tried to fill our emptiness in selfish ways.
- Even forgive those dark souls who intentionally harm you, no matter how awfully, because they are the poor souls who are destined to walk with/for only themselves and do not know the divine sweetness of walking with God and serving others.
And, ultimately, forgive YOUR SELF! Because, no one is perfect. And, the sooner you can forgive your self, the sooner you can embrace the lessons life dealt you, and use the new-found freedom and enlightenment to better the lives of others and be one step closer to living consistently free; without judgement, and full of genuine love and understanding of ALL Gods’ creation; even those shadows that appear as the sun sets on your own reflection.
11
Save Your Energy
If it is of no beneficial consequence, then DON'T BOTHER WITH IT!!
12
God is a SheMale
His & Hers; Yang & Yin; left brain & right brain; logic & emotion; nature & nurture; thinkers & feelers; testosterone & estrogen; father AND mother.
As we are all created in the image and likeness of God, there must be a masculine AND feminine component in clarifying and defining relatable and practical elements of God. Throughout history, religious propaganda (motives aside, as they are of no consequence in conveying the productive essence of this message) notoriously represents God with masculine language. This is fine and good if all you are referring to is Father God. However, there is undoubtedly a feminine, “Mother God” component behind the TOTAL essence of God.
She is the Yin with His Yang; the right brain with His left brain; the emotion with His logic; the nurture with His nature; the feelings with His thoughts; and the estrogen with His testosterone. Without harmonization of both essences, neither men, nor women, would exist. Thus, on a practical note, I will use “S(He)” and “H(is/er)” to reference the total essence of God. I will also separate into She or He; His or Her when specifically referring to Mother God or Father God. My hope is to perpetuate an appreciation for the balance and harmony comprising the whole essence of God.
As we are all created in the image and likeness of God, there must be a masculine AND feminine component in clarifying and defining relatable and practical elements of God. Throughout history, religious propaganda (motives aside, as they are of no consequence in conveying the productive essence of this message) notoriously represents God with masculine language. This is fine and good if all you are referring to is Father God. However, there is undoubtedly a feminine, “Mother God” component behind the TOTAL essence of God.
She is the Yin with His Yang; the right brain with His left brain; the emotion with His logic; the nurture with His nature; the feelings with His thoughts; and the estrogen with His testosterone. Without harmonization of both essences, neither men, nor women, would exist. Thus, on a practical note, I will use “S(He)” and “H(is/er)” to reference the total essence of God. I will also separate into She or He; His or Her when specifically referring to Mother God or Father God. My hope is to perpetuate an appreciation for the balance and harmony comprising the whole essence of God.
13
How to Be Limitless
Limitless. The state of being able to pursue all that our minds and spirits are capable of. Such is the theme as I sit atop an “anti-gravity” chair. The ironic, yet successful marketing strategy behind an “anti-gravity” chair is worth a chuckle. Sure, it may help you to temporarily displace some of the discomforts gravity has on your body mass, however it cannot save you from the limitation that IS gravity.
Then, I look around and I’m reminded of another major limitation, as Penny, our 11 year old German Shepard, wobbles in pain being generated from the degradation of her hips. Our physical bodies are a significant test, as they represent limits that our mind and spirit are confined to on this Earth plane.
The list of limitations COULD go on, and on: body, space, time weather, relationships, doubt, anger fear, guilt, greed…fill in the blanks for yourself. Or, instead of focusing on the negative aspect of the realities that limit; let us focus on everything in our arsenal that makes us limitless. These are the things that represent positivity in your life. Such as light and love, and music, and creativity, and peace, and humor, and fulfillment, and…everything in your life that not only brings you joy, but also helps you provide joy to others, which then inspires them (consciously or subconsciously) to radiate the joy even further, onto other Earthly cohabiters, until eventually, there is an entire, exponentially expanding, network of joy that began for the simple reason of you deciding to share some of your happiness. This network you created is what makes you limitless. This limitless legacy of positivity may not be tangible or easily measured in a physical (“limited”) sense, but it is very real in the minds and souls who are exposed.
So, next time you have an opportunity to spread some joy, take full advantage and feel even more joy in knowing you just created a new limitless legacy of positivity for the world around you.
Then, I look around and I’m reminded of another major limitation, as Penny, our 11 year old German Shepard, wobbles in pain being generated from the degradation of her hips. Our physical bodies are a significant test, as they represent limits that our mind and spirit are confined to on this Earth plane.
The list of limitations COULD go on, and on: body, space, time weather, relationships, doubt, anger fear, guilt, greed…fill in the blanks for yourself. Or, instead of focusing on the negative aspect of the realities that limit; let us focus on everything in our arsenal that makes us limitless. These are the things that represent positivity in your life. Such as light and love, and music, and creativity, and peace, and humor, and fulfillment, and…everything in your life that not only brings you joy, but also helps you provide joy to others, which then inspires them (consciously or subconsciously) to radiate the joy even further, onto other Earthly cohabiters, until eventually, there is an entire, exponentially expanding, network of joy that began for the simple reason of you deciding to share some of your happiness. This network you created is what makes you limitless. This limitless legacy of positivity may not be tangible or easily measured in a physical (“limited”) sense, but it is very real in the minds and souls who are exposed.
So, next time you have an opportunity to spread some joy, take full advantage and feel even more joy in knowing you just created a new limitless legacy of positivity for the world around you.
14
Rebellious Rebounds
Balance is essential to human sanity, or else it leaves you craving extreme (which tend to be unhealthy) opposites. A prime example of this comes in the form of child stars, who often, because of their indentured servitude to the media networks that brought them fame, eventually crack. In their rebellious brokenness, they seek extreme opposites in attempts to rebalance.
Media networks and the child stars synergize to capitalize on the youth and purity of the young celebrity, which generates great amounts of money and fame for all involved. Then, as the respective celebrity “grows-up”, they begin to feel trapped by this limiting definition of their value within society. Attempting to turn their youth into a cash cow keeps them younger, thus fighting their essential self’s evolution. When you fight your essential, authentic, self, you will never truly win. The harder you fight it, the further it will damage your psyche. Until, in attempts to rebalance, you eventually rebound for a period of time into the complete opposite behavior and situations.
Rebounds can be very healthy temporary experiences, as long as you acknowledge them for being just that, a temporary experience, which is serving to rebalance you. Please know that your authentic self is typically not housed in the extreme opposite rebound phase. Instead, your essential nature is often found within the balance and harmony that occurs after the rebellious rebound. The rebellion is merely a temporary mechanism the essential self uses to recalibrate you. It stems from a desire to re-take control of your own life, because prior to the rebellion, you felt under the control of more external factors (i.e. societal pressures, living to impress others, and not to fulfill your true self).
This phenomenon is not only relevant to child celebrities, but also crops up everywhere in your own life. Sometimes it’s in the form of a romantic break-up. Other times it manifests when you hit a breaking-point within certain relationships, careers, belief systems, etc.
To smooth the bumps in the road, just remember that extremes typically yield more extremes. Pace your self. Live out the messages sent from your soul (essential self) as they come, in order to remain balanced and avoid extremes. As a side (yet very important) note, do not let situations overstay their welcome simply because you are a victim of negative motives (i.e. greed, anger, insecurities, fame, addiction, etc.). Also, please use this new understanding of rebellion to identify when your loved ones are going through a rebound. Then, non-judgmentally facilitate in helping them find their balance, and begin following their heart.
Media networks and the child stars synergize to capitalize on the youth and purity of the young celebrity, which generates great amounts of money and fame for all involved. Then, as the respective celebrity “grows-up”, they begin to feel trapped by this limiting definition of their value within society. Attempting to turn their youth into a cash cow keeps them younger, thus fighting their essential self’s evolution. When you fight your essential, authentic, self, you will never truly win. The harder you fight it, the further it will damage your psyche. Until, in attempts to rebalance, you eventually rebound for a period of time into the complete opposite behavior and situations.
Rebounds can be very healthy temporary experiences, as long as you acknowledge them for being just that, a temporary experience, which is serving to rebalance you. Please know that your authentic self is typically not housed in the extreme opposite rebound phase. Instead, your essential nature is often found within the balance and harmony that occurs after the rebellious rebound. The rebellion is merely a temporary mechanism the essential self uses to recalibrate you. It stems from a desire to re-take control of your own life, because prior to the rebellion, you felt under the control of more external factors (i.e. societal pressures, living to impress others, and not to fulfill your true self).
This phenomenon is not only relevant to child celebrities, but also crops up everywhere in your own life. Sometimes it’s in the form of a romantic break-up. Other times it manifests when you hit a breaking-point within certain relationships, careers, belief systems, etc.
To smooth the bumps in the road, just remember that extremes typically yield more extremes. Pace your self. Live out the messages sent from your soul (essential self) as they come, in order to remain balanced and avoid extremes. As a side (yet very important) note, do not let situations overstay their welcome simply because you are a victim of negative motives (i.e. greed, anger, insecurities, fame, addiction, etc.). Also, please use this new understanding of rebellion to identify when your loved ones are going through a rebound. Then, non-judgmentally facilitate in helping them find their balance, and begin following their heart.
15
Ground Yourself In God
Seeking strength solely in others is a surefire way to leave your self open to a world of hurt. Why? Few reasons:
Sure, sometimes it’s nice to physically have a shoulder to cry on. But, hopefully, if a shoulder is not available (because that person may be busy having a cry of their own) then you can feel comforted enough in your own presence and knowing that God and H(is/er) angels are ALWAYS there to hold you and bless your tears; such is the beauty of omnipresence coupled with omnipotence.
So, next time you are emotionally breaking-down:
- You are already delusional if you think the average person has “it together” enough to be a source of consistent strength for you.
- Other people have so many emotional and time related burdens of their own to deal with, to where they may not be able to even pick up the phone and pretend to listen.
- Grounding yourself in others is a reflection of weaknesses that can only truly be conquered when you work through those weaknesses enough to ground/stabilize your SELF.
Sure, sometimes it’s nice to physically have a shoulder to cry on. But, hopefully, if a shoulder is not available (because that person may be busy having a cry of their own) then you can feel comforted enough in your own presence and knowing that God and H(is/er) angels are ALWAYS there to hold you and bless your tears; such is the beauty of omnipresence coupled with omnipotence.
So, next time you are emotionally breaking-down:
- Find as comfortable space as you can…
- Lean-into that emotion that is trying to surface (cry, scream into a pillow, smack a durable inanimate object with a bat, etc…)
- Then, find comfort in knowing that this too shall pass. As no state of being, no matter how great or awful, is permanent. This is all the more reason to feel comforted in the bad moments, yet fully appreciate the good moments, while they last.
16
Expanding Consciousness with Energy
Energy, although rarely seen (in its raw forms) is largely felt by those who leave themselves open to it. There are good and bad energies. There are refreshing energies, associated with baptisms, beginning of a new year, month, week and even day. There are high-frequency, yang, energies, associated with spring and summer, and light and heat. All the while, the more low-frequency, yin, energies of fall and winter, and darkness and coolness, serve to balance and harmonize the yang. There is even energy that can be felt through physical mediums, such as gems, furniture, entire homes, and yes, even people.
This helps to explain why you just get a “certain feeling” when you are exposed to particular items and people. Just as all of God’s energy cannot be created, nor destroyed, it must reside somewhere, when it is not in transit.
The human eye represents one if the biggest tests God charges us with in our Earth plane experiences. Because of the human eye, we find some comfort in everything tangible, which appeals to our logical selves, and allows us to readily “know” things (that we see) exist. However, this tangible reality leaves us, quite literally, blind-sided to the entire world that exits beyond what we see. This is the world where feelings, intuition and energy reign supreme, and where your spirit thrives.
So arises the question: how do I come to know or strengthen this essence within me? Well, it helps to trust and act more readily on your intuition, even when it does not make sense to your logical, left brain. Leave your self open to feel beyond what you are normally able to see; sometimes it literally helps to close your eyes. Meditation and prayer are also conducive to being present within the alternative presence.
Supposedly, we humans only use a small portion of our brains. But, I truly believe you are able to curb that statistic, which attempts to limit and restrict. This resides in your ability to thrive within the unseen world of energy.
This helps to explain why you just get a “certain feeling” when you are exposed to particular items and people. Just as all of God’s energy cannot be created, nor destroyed, it must reside somewhere, when it is not in transit.
The human eye represents one if the biggest tests God charges us with in our Earth plane experiences. Because of the human eye, we find some comfort in everything tangible, which appeals to our logical selves, and allows us to readily “know” things (that we see) exist. However, this tangible reality leaves us, quite literally, blind-sided to the entire world that exits beyond what we see. This is the world where feelings, intuition and energy reign supreme, and where your spirit thrives.
So arises the question: how do I come to know or strengthen this essence within me? Well, it helps to trust and act more readily on your intuition, even when it does not make sense to your logical, left brain. Leave your self open to feel beyond what you are normally able to see; sometimes it literally helps to close your eyes. Meditation and prayer are also conducive to being present within the alternative presence.
Supposedly, we humans only use a small portion of our brains. But, I truly believe you are able to curb that statistic, which attempts to limit and restrict. This resides in your ability to thrive within the unseen world of energy.
"You are in this physical existence to learn and understand that your energy, translated into feelings, thoughts and emotions, causes all experience."
- Seth/Jane Roberts
17
Casting Stones of Judgment
Those with the least amount of inner peace and security are typically the first ones to judge their neighbors. Judgment of others is most often indicative of dissatisfaction from within your self. If you desire freedom from being negatively emotionally affected by others’ decisions, then stop judging them. In the process, you will not only free yourself from letting people in your life bother you, but your new-found inner peace will also make it much easier to grow into new relationships from a place of limitless love and understanding.
“Let he who cast the first stone, be without sin.” The only one who has any business casting stones is God. And, lucky for us, (s)he would much prefer to love you through your perceived mistakes, rather than stone you for them. So, next time you are tempted to judge another, divert that energy into reflecting on your own insecurities and shortcomings. This will help you to find some skeletons in your closet, which may need some cleaning-out.
Sometimes, when you are uncomfortable with someone else’s actions, it can help the both of you to use a reflection of a different sort, as well. Do this by politely, and with refrain from judgment, holding up an imaginary mirror so that person can witness their own reflection. A good method for this involves empathy, via the Golden Rule of treating others how you would like to be treated. For instance, express: “how would you like it if (objectively insert their actions) did this to/happened to you?” When a person takes an opportunity to perceive their own actions, they are often shocked to realize what they are doing, and now have an opportunity to consciously improve their behavior.
The final step in positively moving forward is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for judging others, when the real strife came from within. Forgive yourself for whatever is generating the strife in the first place. Also, encourage others whom you have held a mirror to, to forgive themselves for any actions they may not be proud of. Once all is forgiven, it is time to move forward with your new-found inner peace and strength, based in the non-judgmental light and love of a Christ consciousness.
“Let he who cast the first stone, be without sin.” The only one who has any business casting stones is God. And, lucky for us, (s)he would much prefer to love you through your perceived mistakes, rather than stone you for them. So, next time you are tempted to judge another, divert that energy into reflecting on your own insecurities and shortcomings. This will help you to find some skeletons in your closet, which may need some cleaning-out.
Sometimes, when you are uncomfortable with someone else’s actions, it can help the both of you to use a reflection of a different sort, as well. Do this by politely, and with refrain from judgment, holding up an imaginary mirror so that person can witness their own reflection. A good method for this involves empathy, via the Golden Rule of treating others how you would like to be treated. For instance, express: “how would you like it if (objectively insert their actions) did this to/happened to you?” When a person takes an opportunity to perceive their own actions, they are often shocked to realize what they are doing, and now have an opportunity to consciously improve their behavior.
The final step in positively moving forward is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for judging others, when the real strife came from within. Forgive yourself for whatever is generating the strife in the first place. Also, encourage others whom you have held a mirror to, to forgive themselves for any actions they may not be proud of. Once all is forgiven, it is time to move forward with your new-found inner peace and strength, based in the non-judgmental light and love of a Christ consciousness.
18
I’d Rather Eat Peanut Butter
Ideally, there comes a time in your life where you muster-up enough courage to begin taking your inspired ideas and grounding them in physical form. This is akin to following your heart and fulfilling your ultimate life purpose. As you embark in physically manifesting your visions, your everyday realities begin to shift from ordinary to extraordinary, as if you are operating on a new elevated frequency of life (for more details on what this feels like, see Dear Diary/GodSong 8: “How to Claim Your Soul’s Path”). This frequency is how you know you are on your unique “right” path.
It may not be the path that seems most logical or socially acceptable, and THAT”S O.K. It may not INITIALLY lead to much return in the form of material wealth, and THAT’S O.K. TOO! Because, once you experience the viscerally deep-rooted bliss that comes from following your heart, you’d probably rather live off peanut butter and crackers for the rest of your life, and be legitimately happy; opposed to settling for more mediocre life experiences and relationships, just because they satisfy your social (more insecure) self.
Right now, in this VERY MOMENT, you have the power to start taking all the “crazy” (genius) ideas in your head, and begin making them a tangible reality. I believe in you. God believes in you. Now it’s time to believe in your own mission and believe in YOURSELF!
It may not be the path that seems most logical or socially acceptable, and THAT”S O.K. It may not INITIALLY lead to much return in the form of material wealth, and THAT’S O.K. TOO! Because, once you experience the viscerally deep-rooted bliss that comes from following your heart, you’d probably rather live off peanut butter and crackers for the rest of your life, and be legitimately happy; opposed to settling for more mediocre life experiences and relationships, just because they satisfy your social (more insecure) self.
Right now, in this VERY MOMENT, you have the power to start taking all the “crazy” (genius) ideas in your head, and begin making them a tangible reality. I believe in you. God believes in you. Now it’s time to believe in your own mission and believe in YOURSELF!
19
Attracting Your Ideal Mate
You want a mate that:
• Is secure with themselves
• Comes from a loving family
• Approaches all intimacy as an end, in and of itself, and not a means to an end
• Is fully present and appreciative of even the simplest moments
• Approaches all of God’s creatures from a place of empathy
• Embraces challenge and change, while staying true to their values
• Is more motivated by altruism, than materialism
• AND THE LIST GOES ON
Sure, you can approach romance, or any new relationship, by seeking qualities in others that complement and value what you have to offer. The classic example I think of is money and beauty. But, what will happen when the money and/or beauty fade? The more you base your attractions to others on fickle qualities you lack, the more likely your relationship is to fail. For example, the probability of a failed relationship is high when you base your attraction to someone on the fact that they drive a Maserati. Conversely, the probability of a failed relationship is MUCH lower when you base your attraction to someone on the fact that they put their relationship with God, above anyone else. This is because, it is much more likely for a person to abandon their Maserati then to abandon their God.
For high probability of a strong and loving and lasting relationship, do not bet on a foundation of superficial and fickle qualities. Instead, bet on a foundation of love and strength, in values and in self.
All the while, on an even deeper level, the beautiful challenge comes from knowing that you will not be able to find certain qualities in others, until you have found them within yourself. Once you find these qualities in another, will the qualities even be THAT attractive considering you have already mastered them within yourself? Thus you no longer need to learn those qualities in exchanges with others.
Relationships with others, particularly the more intimate ones, teach you realities about your self. This is because love is designed to help you grow into a better person. Think back through some of your most intimate, and sincerely loving, relationships. Maybe they taught you that you are beautiful, you are strong, you are funny, you are not spontaneous, action movies make you bored, you are great at helping others with finances, change makes you afraid, you are a great big spoon, etc. Fill in all of your own realizations.
Hopefully, at some point, upon realizing all the personal growth that love can induce, you realize that being the best you can only come from (first and foremost) an intimate relationship with God, which represents love in its purest and strongest form. This is why relationships between people who sincerely chose to put God first, even above each other, tend to be the strongest. These are the relationships where you find comfort in knowing that, through good times and bad, your partner will work through it with God’s strength, instead of working through it with anyone else. And that, is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone you love. Do not use them for your personal growth, use God for your growth, then share the lessons you learn with those you love, for this is how truly strong bonds are formed; this is what re-connects you to oneness with the universe you live in.
You will receive what you give, this is the beautiful nature of Karma. Thus, if you want to attract ideal people into your life, then be the change you wish to see in the world.
• Is secure with themselves
• Comes from a loving family
• Approaches all intimacy as an end, in and of itself, and not a means to an end
• Is fully present and appreciative of even the simplest moments
• Approaches all of God’s creatures from a place of empathy
• Embraces challenge and change, while staying true to their values
• Is more motivated by altruism, than materialism
• AND THE LIST GOES ON
Sure, you can approach romance, or any new relationship, by seeking qualities in others that complement and value what you have to offer. The classic example I think of is money and beauty. But, what will happen when the money and/or beauty fade? The more you base your attractions to others on fickle qualities you lack, the more likely your relationship is to fail. For example, the probability of a failed relationship is high when you base your attraction to someone on the fact that they drive a Maserati. Conversely, the probability of a failed relationship is MUCH lower when you base your attraction to someone on the fact that they put their relationship with God, above anyone else. This is because, it is much more likely for a person to abandon their Maserati then to abandon their God.
For high probability of a strong and loving and lasting relationship, do not bet on a foundation of superficial and fickle qualities. Instead, bet on a foundation of love and strength, in values and in self.
All the while, on an even deeper level, the beautiful challenge comes from knowing that you will not be able to find certain qualities in others, until you have found them within yourself. Once you find these qualities in another, will the qualities even be THAT attractive considering you have already mastered them within yourself? Thus you no longer need to learn those qualities in exchanges with others.
Relationships with others, particularly the more intimate ones, teach you realities about your self. This is because love is designed to help you grow into a better person. Think back through some of your most intimate, and sincerely loving, relationships. Maybe they taught you that you are beautiful, you are strong, you are funny, you are not spontaneous, action movies make you bored, you are great at helping others with finances, change makes you afraid, you are a great big spoon, etc. Fill in all of your own realizations.
Hopefully, at some point, upon realizing all the personal growth that love can induce, you realize that being the best you can only come from (first and foremost) an intimate relationship with God, which represents love in its purest and strongest form. This is why relationships between people who sincerely chose to put God first, even above each other, tend to be the strongest. These are the relationships where you find comfort in knowing that, through good times and bad, your partner will work through it with God’s strength, instead of working through it with anyone else. And that, is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone you love. Do not use them for your personal growth, use God for your growth, then share the lessons you learn with those you love, for this is how truly strong bonds are formed; this is what re-connects you to oneness with the universe you live in.
You will receive what you give, this is the beautiful nature of Karma. Thus, if you want to attract ideal people into your life, then be the change you wish to see in the world.
20
Self-Righteous
Although often mistaken for the other, there are noticeable differences between being self-righteous and being truth-righteous. Self-righteousness is often laden with judgment. Self-righteousness believes there is only one truth that can bring you bliss and only one “right” path to obtaining that truth/bliss. Instead, truth-righteousness is laden with understanding, and appreciates that everyones’ perception of truth/bliss is unique, much like the path you take to obtaining your truth. This is why it is helpful to share your truth with others, in hopes that certain insights will accelerate their bliss journey. All the while, not being offended when certain pivotal realizations of YOUR journey, are not as highly valued in THEIR journey. Have empathy for where they have been, respect where they are, and help them to best enjoy their own uniquely beautiful path that leads them where they are going.
21
Winning Each Moment
I just had an fantastic realization in my past yoga session: ego has no place in exercise. Ego does not healthfully belong in most facets of your life. It may bolster you to a point, but inevitably, there is a ceiling that will kick-in and serve to block you from true mastery. A great place to practice abandoning your ego, smashing that ceiling, and experiencing limitless possibilities, is in exercise/fitness.
Athletics is notoriously egotistical and riddled with competition. But, if you can force your self to focus all of your energy on the task in-play, instead of comparing your self to other players, the sport becomes magical. Try not to get caught-up in what just happened, or what may be coming-up next; just focus on right NOW, moment by moment, as if you are living in a series of still shots. Deliberate focus is magic. So, be the best you can be in that moment, without concern for anyone else around you. If you can master this superior presence in all facets of your life, then you will truly know what it feels like to win the game of life.
Athletics is notoriously egotistical and riddled with competition. But, if you can force your self to focus all of your energy on the task in-play, instead of comparing your self to other players, the sport becomes magical. Try not to get caught-up in what just happened, or what may be coming-up next; just focus on right NOW, moment by moment, as if you are living in a series of still shots. Deliberate focus is magic. So, be the best you can be in that moment, without concern for anyone else around you. If you can master this superior presence in all facets of your life, then you will truly know what it feels like to win the game of life.
22
Life Force
It was the great scientist, JC Bose, who placed an enlightened perspective on the importance of life force elements. He noted that, just like humans, plants and animals also: “exhibit essentially the same phenomena of fatigue and depression, with possibilities of recovery, as well as the permanent unresponsiveness associated with death.” Although the specific expressions may look a bit different, humans are a lot more akin to animals, and even plants, than we consciously realize. In order to thrive, we all require the same life-giving mixes of oxygen, hydrogen and photons. Light, water and air are three life force elements that will humble you to the same fatigued, depressed and morbid states that animals and plants experience, if withheld. Next time water graces your lips, or a deep breath of fresh air saturates your lungs, or luminous warmth dances on your skin, relish those divine stipends of vitality that allow you to continue growing within your Earthly life.
23
Dealing With Hypocrites
The difference between hypocrisy and dissonance is often awareness. Cognitive dissonance implies that you are aware of, and unsatisfied with, the fact that you believe in two (or more) positions that are at odds with one another. You are not intending to be hypocritical; you just don’t know where you stand regarding a certain situation, yet. Thus, with the right amount of examination and courage, dissonance is more easily overcome.
Hypocrisy, implies a lack of awareness. Most people do not indented to be a hypocrite. Hypocrisy also tends to be more difficult to overcome because ignorance or denial, are often present. But, if someone you know is being a hypocrite, do not lose hope. Ask them some thought-provoking questions; maybe add-in some non-judgmental observations, and hope that they discover their own dissonance. Calling them out in a threatening or judgmental way will only curtail their ability to viscerally realize their lack of integrity, and it also often curtails their ability to believe in themselves; to be courageous enough to change their ways.
Hypocrisy, implies a lack of awareness. Most people do not indented to be a hypocrite. Hypocrisy also tends to be more difficult to overcome because ignorance or denial, are often present. But, if someone you know is being a hypocrite, do not lose hope. Ask them some thought-provoking questions; maybe add-in some non-judgmental observations, and hope that they discover their own dissonance. Calling them out in a threatening or judgmental way will only curtail their ability to viscerally realize their lack of integrity, and it also often curtails their ability to believe in themselves; to be courageous enough to change their ways.
24
Empty “Things”
Just as the word “things” represents empty calories in the literary world, “things” represent just as empty of calories in the material world. Seeking genuine happiness in material “things” is just as delusional as thinking that a candy bar is thoroughly going to nourish your body. Although modern culture makes is very tempting to seek happiness in empty calories, like Range-Rovers and new clothes, the high that these material “things” leave you with is just as fleeting as a sugar high. Fun frivolity has its due place, but sustainable satisfaction comes from the more nutrient dense foods of life, like being grateful for all the invaluable possessions you are already blessed with, living-out your own unique mission, and sharing your wealth (not necessarily material) with others.
Next time you go to take a satisfying bite out of life, reach first for the organic fruits of love, compassion and purpose.
Next time you go to take a satisfying bite out of life, reach first for the organic fruits of love, compassion and purpose.
25
The Spiritual Path: A Golden Road Less Traveled
It’s easy! But no, it is not always easy. There is a reason that the spiritual path often represents a road less traveled, because it can be quite difficult. Sure, when the fire first gets ignited, and you begin to enthusiastically learn your path to enlightenment, it is that enchantment and passion that make it easy, and even fun, to learn how to talk the talk. But, there comes a point, every day, when it is time to step out of your meditative safe zone, and walk the enlightened walk, in the “real” world, where you are faced with the practical exams that are best offered in the school of everyday life.
This is the difference between discussing the importance of kindness and love and acceptance (amongst your church friends and gurus) AND actually being able to love, forgive and pray for the misguided soul who just picked your pocket on the subway.
Monks always look peaceful and enlightened as they meditate in their quiet and picturesque temple, but I would love to see that same monk look as peaceful and enlightened while driving a bus full of nine year olds to Disneyland on the 405 freeway, in rush hour traffic.
There is a reason that Jesus is regarded as a hero, for so many centuries. Not only was he able to teach others enlightenment, by talking the talk, but he also, and quite literally, taught a much more powerful lesson by walking the enlightened walk; and practicing what he preached. Jesus managed to walk from town to town and accept, love and feel connected to people from ALL walks of life regardless of what was considered socially acceptable at the time. Even more than this, he was able to forgive those who wronged him in the worst of ways; in the form of betrayal and even murder.
Jesus knew that it is the most difficult lessons that have the most profound impact. These real world practical exams are designed to help you identify and conquer your worst fears, so we may better understand to love the world around us, and understand that there is a Christ consciousness within ALL humankind. Finding that Crist consciousness within your self through thoughts, words AND actions, represents the real second coming of Christ, for his essence of love and compassion is already dwelling within you at this very moment. It is your divine challenge to remove the blocks of fear which obscure your loving light, so you may better let your light shine, and recognize the TRUE beauty that others around you possess, as they allow their compassionate and loving actions to light the world around them.
So no. In the world we live in today, the spiritual path is not easy. But, the difficulty of the exams makes the reward that much sweeter. For there is nothing more blissful and rewarding in this life than being able to unearth the Christ consciousness that already dwells within you.
This is the difference between discussing the importance of kindness and love and acceptance (amongst your church friends and gurus) AND actually being able to love, forgive and pray for the misguided soul who just picked your pocket on the subway.
Monks always look peaceful and enlightened as they meditate in their quiet and picturesque temple, but I would love to see that same monk look as peaceful and enlightened while driving a bus full of nine year olds to Disneyland on the 405 freeway, in rush hour traffic.
There is a reason that Jesus is regarded as a hero, for so many centuries. Not only was he able to teach others enlightenment, by talking the talk, but he also, and quite literally, taught a much more powerful lesson by walking the enlightened walk; and practicing what he preached. Jesus managed to walk from town to town and accept, love and feel connected to people from ALL walks of life regardless of what was considered socially acceptable at the time. Even more than this, he was able to forgive those who wronged him in the worst of ways; in the form of betrayal and even murder.
Jesus knew that it is the most difficult lessons that have the most profound impact. These real world practical exams are designed to help you identify and conquer your worst fears, so we may better understand to love the world around us, and understand that there is a Christ consciousness within ALL humankind. Finding that Crist consciousness within your self through thoughts, words AND actions, represents the real second coming of Christ, for his essence of love and compassion is already dwelling within you at this very moment. It is your divine challenge to remove the blocks of fear which obscure your loving light, so you may better let your light shine, and recognize the TRUE beauty that others around you possess, as they allow their compassionate and loving actions to light the world around them.
So no. In the world we live in today, the spiritual path is not easy. But, the difficulty of the exams makes the reward that much sweeter. For there is nothing more blissful and rewarding in this life than being able to unearth the Christ consciousness that already dwells within you.
26
Trust Your SELF
Trust your self, for this is the key that allows your consciousness to develop in the most powerful of ways. Trust your self, for this is when you realize that praying to God every day to forgive you of your sins, and grant your wishes and desires, is nothing more than you learning how to answer your own prayers. Because, when you pray hard enough (want it bad enough) you will finally be able to begin taking actions indicative of forgiving your self, and using your own divinely granted free will to impact the world around you in a way that allows you to grant your own wishes and fulfill your own desires. For there is already an exquisitely powerful ability you possess, should you only trust yourself enough to use it.
But, be warned. With power comes responsibility, to use your powers with sincere love and good intention. Because, as laws of Karma dictate, like attracts like. Thus, if you use your power for selfish gain, then you will be attracting other powerful people into your life who will use you for their own selfish gain. And that behavior leaves you unable to trust the world around you, and especially unable to trust yourself. However, if you use a powerful trust within your self to spread light and love to the world around you, then you will attract the same back into your life, and your powers and possibilities will be endless.
With this, start to answer your own prayers. Forgive YOUR SELF. CREATE the life you so badly wish for. Do this by tapping into the infinitely powerful love and free will that already dwells within you, and is just waiting for you to trust your self enough to use it.
But, be warned. With power comes responsibility, to use your powers with sincere love and good intention. Because, as laws of Karma dictate, like attracts like. Thus, if you use your power for selfish gain, then you will be attracting other powerful people into your life who will use you for their own selfish gain. And that behavior leaves you unable to trust the world around you, and especially unable to trust yourself. However, if you use a powerful trust within your self to spread light and love to the world around you, then you will attract the same back into your life, and your powers and possibilities will be endless.
With this, start to answer your own prayers. Forgive YOUR SELF. CREATE the life you so badly wish for. Do this by tapping into the infinitely powerful love and free will that already dwells within you, and is just waiting for you to trust your self enough to use it.
27
Insecurities
Beware of insecurities, for they represent fears that leave you particularly vulnerable. These insecurities are rooted in fear (fear of being inadequate, undesirable, not good enough, etc.) which makes it increasingly difficult to trust in your own power and your own light, and your own love. When you lose trust in your own power and light and love, then other entities (people, companies, institutions, etc.) are better able to sell you a product, service, experience, etc. that provides you with a less-substantial sense of love, power, beauty, etc. which is making them more superficially powerful in the process, by way of wealth, status, etc. All you need to feel SINCERELY fulfilled is already within you; in the form of healthy perspectives, understanding, unconditional love, intelligence, sense of humor, etc.
Before you read the previous paragraph, and begin to fear that everyone out there is trying to use you for their own gain, please know that many individuals around you do not even realize the insecurities they are perpetuating. Often times, it is not their intention to rob you of your own inherent power. This is why it is ideal to use love and understanding when addressing all those who know not what they do. This presents a divine opportunity to be your brothers’ keeper by lovingly showing others some of the more subtle, yet significant, consequences of their actions; consequences that breed insecurities and false senses of love and power. Show them what REAL power is by showing them what REAL (unconditional, universal) love is.
Before you read the previous paragraph, and begin to fear that everyone out there is trying to use you for their own gain, please know that many individuals around you do not even realize the insecurities they are perpetuating. Often times, it is not their intention to rob you of your own inherent power. This is why it is ideal to use love and understanding when addressing all those who know not what they do. This presents a divine opportunity to be your brothers’ keeper by lovingly showing others some of the more subtle, yet significant, consequences of their actions; consequences that breed insecurities and false senses of love and power. Show them what REAL power is by showing them what REAL (unconditional, universal) love is.
28
If for the Greatest Good
If, before ever beginning to act towards anything, you asked your self the question: what is for the greatest good? Then the world would be filled with a great deal more good. Of course, this is the point where defining good and evil become subjective. Personally, I feel that the “greatest good” is synonymous with taking action that maximizes feelings of love (thriving) and minimizes fear. Regardless of how you chose to define good and evil, next time you are faced with a dilemma, that leaves you unsure of how to act, simply answer the question: what is for the greatest good?
29
Consciousness Reflected
Often times, you find complaints regarding the “mess of a world you live in”, but that “mess” represents nothing more than the perceptions and collective consciousness of all its inhabitants, including YOU. So, if you would like to change the aggregate of the world you live in, then begin to BE the change you seek. This is well-achieved by first, shifting your perspective; the lens in which you view the world through. If you can better see love, then you can better share love.
In other words, if you want the collective reality you are a part of to be filled with more sunshine and roses, then start by letting your own light shine, and planting some (metaphorical) roses. You may be shocked to realize how powerful and inspiring these actions of love are to the “mess” of a world around you.
In other words, if you want the collective reality you are a part of to be filled with more sunshine and roses, then start by letting your own light shine, and planting some (metaphorical) roses. You may be shocked to realize how powerful and inspiring these actions of love are to the “mess” of a world around you.
30: Ignorance Lost
As a child, OTHERS in your life keep you from knowing aspects of this incarnation, in order to not burden your spirits with potentially disturbing knowledge; in order to protect you; in order to preserve your innocence. Eventually, you become bored with childish knowledge and crave to know more, this journey for more knowledge marks the beginning of your innocence lost.
For a while, loosing your innocence is an overwhelmingly exciting experience, as you eagerly juice and drink many of the apples handed to you. Some of the apples are a little sour; well-intended, but underdeveloped. Some of the apples are perfectly ripe and sweet, as they were so recently grounded in the living and loving tree that enabled them to thrive. And sadly, some of the apples are rotting; still evolving, but long detached from the tree that grounded them in nourishment, love and vitality.
All it takes are a few bad apples to scare you away from the potentially sweet fruit of knowledge, forever. Thus leaving you to fester on a plateau of boredom, enforced by fear. You find every ounce of comfort that you can on this plateau of ignorance (usually in the form of addiction). You neglect to acknowledge, let alone taste, the infinite number of life-giving lessons that still await your soul.
As a child, there came a time for the loss of your innocence. Now, as an adult, there comes a time for the loss of your ignorance. If you are reading this while sitting atop your plateau, do not let others' quests serve as a substitute for your unique quest. Because, reading the greatest description of how an apple tastes, still falls short of tasting an apple for yourself. Some may be sour, and others may be down-right rotten, but they are all a part of who you are. I hope the aggregate knowledge you gain from these apples, inspires you to plant and grow trees of your own, that produce only the sweetest fruit for others to taste.
For a while, loosing your innocence is an overwhelmingly exciting experience, as you eagerly juice and drink many of the apples handed to you. Some of the apples are a little sour; well-intended, but underdeveloped. Some of the apples are perfectly ripe and sweet, as they were so recently grounded in the living and loving tree that enabled them to thrive. And sadly, some of the apples are rotting; still evolving, but long detached from the tree that grounded them in nourishment, love and vitality.
All it takes are a few bad apples to scare you away from the potentially sweet fruit of knowledge, forever. Thus leaving you to fester on a plateau of boredom, enforced by fear. You find every ounce of comfort that you can on this plateau of ignorance (usually in the form of addiction). You neglect to acknowledge, let alone taste, the infinite number of life-giving lessons that still await your soul.
As a child, there came a time for the loss of your innocence. Now, as an adult, there comes a time for the loss of your ignorance. If you are reading this while sitting atop your plateau, do not let others' quests serve as a substitute for your unique quest. Because, reading the greatest description of how an apple tastes, still falls short of tasting an apple for yourself. Some may be sour, and others may be down-right rotten, but they are all a part of who you are. I hope the aggregate knowledge you gain from these apples, inspires you to plant and grow trees of your own, that produce only the sweetest fruit for others to taste.
Keeping Track of My Favorite Realization Apples...
- Majority of perception is based on how you are saying something, not just what you are saying. Express a thought, but add proper emotion, to achieve desired impact. The belief and practice of this realization can make being a prostitute seem as benign as a flower blooming in spring, or make being a doctor seem more malignant than lung cancer. Notice how you feel when someone tells you something. Would you feel the same if they said the same words, but with different emotion behind it? Realizing this allows you to better monitor and create your own perceptions of the world around you.
- It's not a big deal, unless you make it a big deal.
- "Crying over spilt milk" becomes petty when your realize there are viral epidemics, wars, new discoveries, births, deaths and space travel, happening right now! Everything is relative. Miracles are nothing more than a shift in perspective. There is a silver lining to every glass of spilt milk, and it's up to you to see it. Your world can be as big and exciting as you want it to be.
- If you are frustratingly tempted by food, sex, alcohol, drugs, gaming, social media, relationships, news, etc. then you are probably bored in other areas of your life. Try stimulating yourself with a diverse range of challenging and creative endeavors, then you probably won't be as easily tempted by your usual "demons".
"Throw moderation to the wind, and the greatest pleasures bring the greatest pains."
-Democritus
"32"- Duality
Contrast is the essence of duality. In this sense, everything in creation is dualistic, as no two things are ever 100 percent identical. Duality is the essence of learning. Everything is relative. How can we learn about something, if there is not a different something to compare it to? This is why you learn some of your greatest lessons from people and locations that contain the greatest differences from your own. And, along the way, you will chose to adopt some of these differences, which will help unveil the door to your next lessons. Eventually, you realize that all options are available to you. You are no longer a pawn occupying a black or white space, being moved by a hand that is not your own. You can now chose to occupy a dark square, or a light square, or paint the entire board hot-freakin'-pink and create an entirely new game, with new rules, that are entirely your own.
Duality also operates like the antitrust lawyers of our universe, making sure that no one single entity gains enough energetic momentum to completely overshadow other entities that still value themselves as stakeholders. Duality is a built-in system of checks and balances, where photons hold their own against dark matter, and Google holds its own against all other tech competitors, and the reproductive and behavioral patterns of zebras enables that species to hold its own against hungry lions. The victorious trick within the realm of duality appears to be an empathetic evolution. Much like a virus, entities constantly evolve in order to stay relevant. Unlike a virus, the entities that evolve to be most pleasing, to the most constituents, are the ones who will stay victorious for the longest duration. Employing empathy within your competitive cocktail, is when you not only value yourself as a stakeholder, but you get others to value you as a stakeholder as well. Making it more difficult for duality to find and confine you. But remember, entities with enough sentience can chose to change their system. Theoretically, Google could chose to stop doing business, or a zebra could even chose to change its stripes.
33- Personal Accountability
When I was in elementary school, there was a special field trip each quarter, for those of us who received the "Personal Accountability Award". Back then, I had no idea what personal accountability meant, other than the fact that if I did all my homework, and kept a good attendance record, and was relatively kind to my peers, then I would be rewarded with a super fun off-campus experience with my friends, on what would have otherwise been a boring school day. Now that I am older, I realize that the fruits of personal accountability may look different, but they are just as sweet. You challenge your self to learn more when you hold your self accountable for your actions. The easy route involves blaming others for your misgivings, which often results in a form of self-righteous isolation from new knowledge, and people, and experiences. This is reflected in the kids who would have found a field trip to be "totally lame" in the first place, and that's O.K. That mentality will lead them directly down the path that they are meant to be traveling down. The goal of personal accountability is to acknowledge the role you have played in manifesting whatever road you are traveling down. Once you accept responsibility in creating the life you are living, you can then see the infinite possibilities you can employ to create the life you want. Taking responsibility for your life also results in the burden of others' misfortunes being lifted off of your shoulders, as you can now clearly see the self-inflicted perceptions and actions that are causing others such heartache. Sure, being "your brother's keeper" is a noble pursuit, but it's even more noble to show your brother how to be his own keeper.
34- Journal Entries from My First Silent Retreat
Night ONE: Dinner
It was mortifyingly awkward to eat dinner, in complete silence, right next to people I've never met before. I felt so rude, yet invaded at the same time. It felt like walking into a room, naked. I never considered words to be something that shielded people, until I met strangers without the ability to speak to them; to manage their perceptions of me with my words. Instead, all their impressions of me were based on what I looked like and my dinner mannerisms. Who would have ever thought that eating a quesadilla could prove to be such a defining moment. I started my dinner like a slow and steady ninja, trying to go unnoticed. I ended dinner like a sloppy rock star, who almost stopped giving a f*. Why? because caring too much usually turns exhausting and hypercritical stress, into rebellion. "Hold on loosely, but don't let go. If you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control."
Night ONE: Rebel with A Walkman
Took a nap after dinner, and woke up just a tad too late for the 8 p.m. service. Oops. When I first checked-in earlier, I had looked forward to going, now, I'm not upset about missing it. Although, I do feel awkwardly restless for the first time, since starting the retreat. I am in one of the largest cities in the world, housing a lot of fun places and people that I'm already familiar with, but here I am, choosing to be locked away from it all. Not even allowing myself to connect to the world at my fingertips, via the "phone" that seductively sits, turned-off, in my purse. Instead, I am resolved to stay strong by hermiting myself in this room and listening to "Autobiography of A Yogi", via this lovely little dinosaur of a Walkman.
Night ONE: Poetic Quell
Yep! "Autobiography of A Yogi", via compact disc, certainly quelled my restlessness. Sir Ben Kingsley is a delightful voice to hear read this book. His confident and familiar English accent made the book a lot easier to follow and digest, than when I've tried reading it to myself. Listening made me aware of a future, familial goal: to listen to one chapter of "Autobiography of A Yogi" per night, together with my own family, one day. I want my children to realize, from a young age, that science, philosophy and spirituality can be woven together in one life, in a beautifully poetic way. What they choose to make of it (the autobiography they choose to write) can be all their own. I just want them to know that it is all possible.
Day TWO: Coming To My Senses
It all seems to be about contrast. The best way to realize a truth, or witness a new thought, is against a backdrop of complete silence. Thus, stillness of mind. Thus, awareness. Thus, focus. Going slowly through any activity helps to accomplish this. Using all your reacquainted senses also helps you achieve greater and deeper realizations. Close your eyes and listen. Close your ears, and see. See a feeling. Taste a memory. Taste a realization. This is making it much easier to get through silent meals with "strangers".
...
E n r a p t u r e d i n h e a d p h o n i c s o u n d I r e m o v e d m y h e a d p h o n e s . . . A n d h e a r d t he n a t u r e a r o u n d m e @ a n u n f a t h o m a b l e v o l u m e.
Night TWO: Desert
The food is good here; they do a particularly good job at making flavorful and filling vegetarian food. I feel I may have caught some icky feelings when others noticed that I requested and received two desert servings, instead of just one. A) they should have been minding their own food business. B) The guy next to me rejected his serving, so I knew there was an extra up for grabs. And C) I was feeling fruit deprived, relative to my usual intake, thus I was especially grateful to be granted an extra serving of papaya. I am not sorry.
As great as “Autobiography of a Yogi” is, this marathon has me starting to miss some of my Western frivolities. Ahhh, sushi and smart phones. Maybe that’s what I’ll meditate about, in this ashram in Malibu, CA. It’s all about balance.
Night TWO: Respecting Gentlemen
I love the Western concept of a gentleman. One who demonstrates reverence for the opposite sex. Even without instruction, and in complete silence, the men on this retreat wait patiently outside the dining room door, until all the women have had an opportunity to start getting their dinner. Perhaps (as human behavior often goes) it was only one man who started that gentlemanly gesture, so the others quickly followed suit, in order to not seem rude. Either way, in the world I live in now, any extra signs of respect transferred from a man to a woman, are signs that I consciously adore, and believe solicits reciprocated respect. Reminds me of relationship advice, I heard once in a wedding speech, that could easily be applied to any relationship to make it beautiful: “What you’re about to get into is a 50/50 deal…and no one has a clue what 50/50 means. So, if everyone gives 60, then you’ll be just fine.”
Night TWO: Check-in With “Amelia” (My Inner Child)
Preface-
Sure, as an adult, being on a silent retreat represents a time that is often a peaceful break-away from chaotic adult life. But one important fact that I have learned from a great mind mentor, Lucia (see some of her work here in "Emotional Psychology" section), is that our inner child is still dwelling within all of us. His or her perceptions influence more of our daily behavior than most people realize. Thus, I decided to take an opportunity, using a non-dominant hand technique learned from Lucia, to dialogue with my inner child, and see how she felt about this period of committed silence and stillness. I always learn a lot when I take the time to give her a voice.
For this dialogue, I intuitively felt that the name and persona of my inner child was identifying as “Amelia”, which is also the name of one of my nieces, who I missed and hadn’t heard from in a few months. Rationally, my mind fought this association. How could my inner child (in this instance) also be a living child that I already know to be separate from myself!? But, if there is one thing I have learned about intuition, it’s that one must be courageous enough to trust impulses that often seem irrational…at first. And, if there is one thing I have learned from spirituality, it’s that nothing is ever totally separate from us; we all dwell within each other, in some form or another, within some context or another; emotionally in the form of transferred feelings, chemically within the form of transferred particles that are breathed, eaten and absorbed through our skin.
Now, without further ado-
Written with my dominant hand:
“Hi Amelia. How are you doing so far, on this retreat??”
Written with my non dominant hand:
“It’s SO BORING! That’s why I made us dream about a water park earlier (which actually happened during my nap that day, and I must admit that my dreams during the retreat were more vivid than usual). I like the coziness. I love the rest and the safety and the rose garden and the ocean and the swan and the food, but I still miss easy access to chocolate and the Shaytards (YouTube channel I sometimes watch) and Minion (my laptop) and dancing to any kind of loud music I want. Everyone here is SO serious because Paramahansa Yogananda taught them to be that way. Too serious/no room for play and error can lead to superstition. Maybe that’s what happened to Steve Job’s pancreas. (Steve Jobs is a known supporter of SRF/Paramahansa Yogananda. Supposedly, he arranged for copies of “Autobiography of a Yogi” to be handed out at his funeral.) He was too controlling and serious and stressed. On an ultimate level, release expectations of others. Expect yourself to be happy. Being happy is what keeps you young and vibrant. Just look at Japan. Their old and serious values are killing their society. We incarnated to have more fun than that.”
Oddly enough, at the end of the retreat, when I turned my phone back on, I discovered that my sister-in-law had sent me some cute photo updates of my niece, Amelia, getting one of her first “big girl haircuts”. The messages were sent on the same evening, at nearly the same time, that I wrote this journal entry.
Intuition works in impressively mysterious ways.
Night TWO: True Heart’s Desire
It’s Friday night, in Malibu, CA. I’m on a silent retreat, with no internet. Forces you to learn how to be your own best friend. Forces you to examine your life to determine what your heart’s desire really is, in this moment…
I’d be cuddled-up next to my husband. We would have celebrated the start of the weekend by bringing Thai food home. Munching. Then, going for a stroll to be close, and look at the sky, and talk about life. Laugh together. Continue to know each other more deeply. Then, back to snuggling-up on the couch to watch a movie, or in bed to read to each other. Chatting about concepts and perspectives along the way. Resolved to have an adventure tomorrow, but stay in and have a mildly productive, yet largely relaxing day, on Sunday.
Morning THREE: I Am
I am in the (modern American) world; not of it. I am of only:
- Love
- Wisdom
- Science & Faith
- God, within me
- Gratitude
- Seeing and expressing the good in all things, including myself
- Truth
- Self-awareness
- Thriving
- Focus
- Samadhi (cosmic consciousness)
- Yoga (union)
- Controllable experience, without limitation
- Intuition that transcends consciousness
- Omniscience- knowing
- Omnipresence- seeing
- Omnipotence- powerful
PICS OF LAKE SHRINE RETREAT GROUNDS
Evening THREE: Turned Back "On"
The last dinner of my retreat stay is now over. My second-to-last silent reverence bracelet is handed out. This one was gifted to the lovely young devotee who served us for lunch and dinner, today. I LOVE the way each person’s face delights up each time I silently thank them with a small and inexpensive, shiny yellow bracelet. I shall have to do this more often. Now, it’s time to finally turn my phone back on, mainly to 1) be able to set an alarm for proper checkout tomorrow, and 2) observe my own life, and what’s transpired in my digital absence from it, without reacting or responding. As if I am watching objectively, with love, the transpirings of my own creations. Lord, please grant me focus, strength and patience. Amen.
Evening THREE: Christmas 2.0
I’m writing this upon return from the SRF Christmas nativity service. As much as I avoid the annoyance of common Christmas music on the radio, my soul bursts and weeps (I’ve actually cried) with overflowing joy when I hear SRF Christmas choir music. The people who sing at SRF really feel God, on an unusually powerful level, within them, and it shows-up beautifully in their singing voices. This is the one place where I truly feel the Christmas spirit of love and joy. This is similar to the love and joy I felt grateful for when turning my phone back “on” after that tech hiatus. I was able to silently appreciate and observe how abundantly blessed I am with friends who reach-out and want to include me on their life journey. Because, they know I love them, accept them and respect them, unconditionally, and hope to always make that a top priority, alongside of my respect for God.
Final Morning (FOUR):
Almost over. Feels good. Patience and love levels are officially recharged. Gratitude is in-check. Realizations were plentiful, as was the yummy food. It’s always a work in progress. Got God, any my entourage of even more relatable angels and avatars.
Really knowing that on Earth, and in the heavens- God is EVERYWHERE and the UNIVERSE is in EVERYTHING. Thankyou. Thank You. THANK YOU!
The last dinner of my retreat stay is now over. My second-to-last silent reverence bracelet is handed out. This one was gifted to the lovely young devotee who served us for lunch and dinner, today. I LOVE the way each person’s face delights up each time I silently thank them with a small and inexpensive, shiny yellow bracelet. I shall have to do this more often. Now, it’s time to finally turn my phone back on, mainly to 1) be able to set an alarm for proper checkout tomorrow, and 2) observe my own life, and what’s transpired in my digital absence from it, without reacting or responding. As if I am watching objectively, with love, the transpirings of my own creations. Lord, please grant me focus, strength and patience. Amen.
Evening THREE: Christmas 2.0
I’m writing this upon return from the SRF Christmas nativity service. As much as I avoid the annoyance of common Christmas music on the radio, my soul bursts and weeps (I’ve actually cried) with overflowing joy when I hear SRF Christmas choir music. The people who sing at SRF really feel God, on an unusually powerful level, within them, and it shows-up beautifully in their singing voices. This is the one place where I truly feel the Christmas spirit of love and joy. This is similar to the love and joy I felt grateful for when turning my phone back “on” after that tech hiatus. I was able to silently appreciate and observe how abundantly blessed I am with friends who reach-out and want to include me on their life journey. Because, they know I love them, accept them and respect them, unconditionally, and hope to always make that a top priority, alongside of my respect for God.
Final Morning (FOUR):
Almost over. Feels good. Patience and love levels are officially recharged. Gratitude is in-check. Realizations were plentiful, as was the yummy food. It’s always a work in progress. Got God, any my entourage of even more relatable angels and avatars.
Really knowing that on Earth, and in the heavens- God is EVERYWHERE and the UNIVERSE is in EVERYTHING. Thankyou. Thank You. THANK YOU!
35- 6/6/2016: A Date by Any Other Number
@ 4 a.m.
It is moments like this when I wonder if loving someone so much is ever a healthy idea. Maybe the Buddhists really do have it “right”, with all the value placed on detachment to this gross, physical realm. But, try telling that to my 14 year old self who started falling in love with her new puppy. That same 14 year old would probably tell you (in so many words) to go “f_ _k yourself”.
Miss Penelope “Penny” Lane, came into my life on a particularly difficult day, and soon became my saving grace. It was the day that my dad officially decided to stop trying to work on his marriage with my mom. Instead, he was officially deciding to go off and play house with a woman who is about the same age as my brother. This was the same day that a once abandoned and scruffy black pup joined our home. She had been left out in the country fields, as dogs sadly often are. Thankfully, my cousins are rather soft towards these almost forgotten animals, so they took her in until they could find her a home.
I won’t call it love at first sight, as if that's unique. I’ve always been the type of girl that falls in love with every puppy, at first sight. Instead, I’ll call this- in love at first sit.
I naturally gravitated towards her as soon as I arrived at my Godparents’ house, in those final moments of being explicitly unaware of the fate of my parents’ marriage. She was still so small; all black, with no shepherd markings, yet. I snuggled with her. We played for a bit. I was pleasantly surprised by how mellow and intelligent she was. I was baffled when she was able to “sit” at the second attempt of me showing her the skill.
Much of the past 15 years have been that way. Penny and I have been through so much together, and our ability to communicate and understand each other exceptionally well has made for one truly beautiful bond. She always had a compassionate paw to place on my lap or shoulder, to comfort me in some of my most difficult moments. And, I’ve even played the role of her dutiful exoskeleton, in her more recent and physically challenging months.
It’s been a joy to watch her dance and dream over the past 15 years. Her fierce loyalty, love and compassion have taught me so much about grace. Her (literally) undying spirit has further inspired my own; to witness how one’s will to live can keep a body vessel moving, long after its tissue has wanted to stop.
But now, it’s officially “time”. Within the past 12 hours, your back legs have broken to the point where you can’t even stand, let alone walk. This was one of the fastest long nights of my life. Keeping you comfortable, humming soothing vibrations into your forehead, reading you stories, crying with you, telling you over and over as you grasp onto your last moments of life that it’s ok to let go!
In this moment, I feel a bit numb inside. Knowing that as I write, with you by my side, we are experiencing your last sunrise, on this Earth, in this body. But I know, because you’ve helped me know, that the spirit is SO much greater than the body. And, even though I have formed what is now a painful and materialistic attachment to your body, I know that your soul is imprinted on mine, infinitely. I have no regrets being so attached to you, and all the love and lessons that it came with. THANK YOU IMMENSELY! It has been an honor to be your girl.
It is moments like this when I wonder if loving someone so much is ever a healthy idea. Maybe the Buddhists really do have it “right”, with all the value placed on detachment to this gross, physical realm. But, try telling that to my 14 year old self who started falling in love with her new puppy. That same 14 year old would probably tell you (in so many words) to go “f_ _k yourself”.
Miss Penelope “Penny” Lane, came into my life on a particularly difficult day, and soon became my saving grace. It was the day that my dad officially decided to stop trying to work on his marriage with my mom. Instead, he was officially deciding to go off and play house with a woman who is about the same age as my brother. This was the same day that a once abandoned and scruffy black pup joined our home. She had been left out in the country fields, as dogs sadly often are. Thankfully, my cousins are rather soft towards these almost forgotten animals, so they took her in until they could find her a home.
I won’t call it love at first sight, as if that's unique. I’ve always been the type of girl that falls in love with every puppy, at first sight. Instead, I’ll call this- in love at first sit.
I naturally gravitated towards her as soon as I arrived at my Godparents’ house, in those final moments of being explicitly unaware of the fate of my parents’ marriage. She was still so small; all black, with no shepherd markings, yet. I snuggled with her. We played for a bit. I was pleasantly surprised by how mellow and intelligent she was. I was baffled when she was able to “sit” at the second attempt of me showing her the skill.
Much of the past 15 years have been that way. Penny and I have been through so much together, and our ability to communicate and understand each other exceptionally well has made for one truly beautiful bond. She always had a compassionate paw to place on my lap or shoulder, to comfort me in some of my most difficult moments. And, I’ve even played the role of her dutiful exoskeleton, in her more recent and physically challenging months.
It’s been a joy to watch her dance and dream over the past 15 years. Her fierce loyalty, love and compassion have taught me so much about grace. Her (literally) undying spirit has further inspired my own; to witness how one’s will to live can keep a body vessel moving, long after its tissue has wanted to stop.
But now, it’s officially “time”. Within the past 12 hours, your back legs have broken to the point where you can’t even stand, let alone walk. This was one of the fastest long nights of my life. Keeping you comfortable, humming soothing vibrations into your forehead, reading you stories, crying with you, telling you over and over as you grasp onto your last moments of life that it’s ok to let go!
In this moment, I feel a bit numb inside. Knowing that as I write, with you by my side, we are experiencing your last sunrise, on this Earth, in this body. But I know, because you’ve helped me know, that the spirit is SO much greater than the body. And, even though I have formed what is now a painful and materialistic attachment to your body, I know that your soul is imprinted on mine, infinitely. I have no regrets being so attached to you, and all the love and lessons that it came with. THANK YOU IMMENSELY! It has been an honor to be your girl.
36- Hannah,
I am about to drive to your baby shower and I must admit that my heart is already gushing! I haven't met you, yet (held your flesh in my own) but I already feel more of a duty of care to you, and your generation, than I have ever felt before. To love. To educate. To perpetuate compassion and humanity. Regardless of how digital your world becomes, remember there is a different magic to being human. One that will break you, only to rebuild you. All the while, you will be conscious of the goings on. The same level of conscious that connects you to the greater consciousness. The kind of consciousness that makes you human, organic, natural and filled with the same materials that make amoebas and stars. Always remember how special this is! Please use your light, in this lifetime and the ones beyond, to show others the unique magic of being human. The magic that no machine can rival, when its potentials are developed with compassion for all; an open mind with a willful heart. I love you today and always, courageously and unconditionally. My beauty. My rock STAR. My future.